Emily, 10 months pregnant and gravid as…a very gravid woman…sent me to the store tonight for cereal. Being the discerning consumer that she is she only chooses the most nutritious and delicious cereals made by the most ethical, socially responsible, and environmentally friendly companies.
“I want Lucky Charms. And Cinnamon Toast Crunch. And Rice Crispies.”
Realizing that I had a coupon for one and only one cereal company I asked: “Are those all General Mills cereals? I hope so. Because General Mills is the only cereal company that Backpacking Dad endorses. Also, I have a coupon for $1 off if I buy three. They knew you’d be asking.”
“I also want whatever you need to make Rice Crispy Treats.”
“Would that be Air-puffed Marshmallows and Land-O-Lakes butter? Because although I don’t have a coupon for them, I am happy to purchase products from those companies.”
“Just go.”
I went. I used a coupon. I returned.
“Is that an hourglass?”
“You mean inside the Cinnamon Toast Crunch that I purchased in the convenient 1lb box?”
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
Emily wolfed down a bowl of delicious Cinnamon Toast Crunch and came back for seconds.
“I don’t think I can control time with this hourglass. That’s kind of a rip-off.”
I could see why she would think that. But, not wanting the great General Mills thought of as less than considerate, I offered:
“Call the Enterprise.”
“What? This hourglass calls the Enterprise?”
“No. But there’s a communicator in the Lucky Charms.”
And she went away, yet another satisfied General Mills customer.
General Mills. They sure do make cereal.
16 comments:
So how's the whoring yourself out going for ya so far?
I feel like I'm playing, "Find the Product Placement" on some weird reality show.
Sell out! Have you signed your Pepsi and Tyson's contracts yet?
You can get paid for saying you like stuff? What the hell?! I've been doing it for free!
I feel like there is an underlying message in this..... Hummm, I'm hungry now, I think I am going to go buy some cereal. hahaha
Sadly, I can't get back the time I wasted reading this.
I even tried calling the Enterprise.
They told me I was out of luck.
Thanks for that Burns. Thanks.
You're going to need to go and sell crazy somewhere else, I'm all full up here, and I don't have a coupon for it.
(Shhh... Rice Krispies is a Kellogg's product... but nobody has to know...)
suggestion induced cravings... :)
I bet your wife wishes she were a seahorse* about now...
*the males carry the babies.
I actually had to look up gravid ...great word!
Ay, Lucky Charms! I love me some General Mills cereal too, I have to admit. Is Froot Loops GM too? Because if it is, I'm theirs.
You bastard.
You just had to say something, didn't you?
Now little miss 14 weeks wants some too.
I'm setting fire to my Backpacking Dad love doll.
You're a good man to go buy her Lucky Charms. While I was pregnant, I wanted Lucky Charms in the worst way, and my husband took it as an interesting piece of information, not as something he needed to DO something ABOUT, NOW!
Anyway, good for you.
I have been a proponent of better toys and premiums in cereal boxes for years.
The fact you found two cereal boxes with free toys astounds me. The fact it was General Mills befuddles me more. Obviously I need to go shopping in your supermarket.
I totally need to call the Enterprise.
Wait, Lucky Charms is giving away Star Trek communicators? Gotta get me one of those. Hmm, whoring yourself out for product placement seems to be working.
I miss being pregnant. Now I don't have an excuse to eat what I want and be fat :-(
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