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Thursday, April 16, 2009

How many kids do you want?

When she asks this question I often answer: “five.”

I don’t know that I’m serious. But I don’t know I’m not. I don’t know what the right answer is, I don’t know if I’m hiding my real answer or if I even have a real answer. But some questions and statements require a response and I always provide a response.

Emily knows this about me by now.

“But if we have five,” she protests, mildly, “we won’t be able to afford to send them all to college.”


“Don’t say something stupid.”

Who? Me?


mamatulip said...

I remember standing in my aunt's kitchen last summer, telling her I really wanted three kids. And the first thing out of her mouth was, "How will you afford to send them to university?" And in my head I was like, fuck. Don't start getting serious on me. Just listen to me talk about how I want three. Mmmkay?

If we could afford it, I'd have four kids. But we can't afford it, and I'm not talking financially. We can't afford to just give up our sanity like that.

Ali said...

exactly what mamatulip said. she is a wise, wise woman. my body, my mind, and my budget can handle the three i have. i don't think i could afford a fourth! ;)

RobMonroe said...

My life chant has become:
One and Done! One and Done!

We worked long and hard (and spent lots and lots of money) to get the one and she's perfect, so we're not tempting fate.

I have found that you are only safe saying "two" or "three" and not get funny looks. When we tell people we only want one we always get "but she needs a brother or sister to play with." Guess what, I didn't play well with my brother and we only see each other once in a while anyway. I have much more faith in my best friends and my wife.

I we could birth her a spouse that would be cool, but very very weird.

Major Bedhead said...

I wanted three. I have four. Sometimes I think I want five but then I remember how nutty I am right now with four (one of whom is grown and out of the house) so I'm sticking with what I have.

Tyler - Building Camelot said...

If you had 5 of 'em then you'd have to buy one of those big commercial vans so you can tote them around town. We have 2 - one for each of us and we don't want to be outnumbered.

Maya said...

I want 4 kids. Yes, I said that.

I have twin daughters so I guess you could say I 'killed two birds with one stone'.

I still want another two- just not at the same time again. I CANNOT handle another set of twins. no way man.

My husband agrees on 4, you kind of want a big family dinner on the holiday's - you know?
As for the college education- they can get loans, and financial aid... like the way I did!

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

Our third has already taken my sanity. I mean I took up BLOGGING to regain it! What does that say??

I could do a fourth ONLY if it arrived already five years old.

And the college thing... Isn't that what grandparents are for? (crossing fingers, praying)

Atlanta Mommy said...

If we could afford it... I'd totally have 6. I say that though, and people look at me like I should be committed. I know it's not for everyone. So in public, I just smile and say "who knows?".

Anonymous said...

5? I dont think they make a backpack that large and even if they did, you're just asking for back trouble.

Sue @ My Party of 6 said...

Honestly, for what college will cost by the time our kids get there, we can't afford to send even one to college. Don't let that be your guide! (I'm hoping for PhD homeschool programs by then - HA!)

We have 4 and some days I think I have lost my mind. Other days, I wish I could have more. But 4 is a big family without being Duggar-big. That is where we will probably stay.

Mandy @ Mama's Hot Fuss said...

My husband says he wants 50 kids, to which I reply, "We aren't the Duggars hunny" then he says, "Not yet, babe...not yet."

I then roll my eyes.

bejewell said...

I have one, only want one, no more than one, don't care what anyone else says, one is enough. One's got college covered. One's got at least four savings accounts set up by adoring first-time grandparents. One is actually worth more than the hubs and I put together right now.

One one one one one.

Redneck Mommy said...

I want to rival the Duggars. Seriously.

College schmollege. With that many kids some of them are bound to be working the pole while others are enjoying the clink. It'll all work out somehow.

Anyone have any kids they don't want? Seriously. Send them to me.


Sandi said...

When my boy/girl twins were born so many people said "how lucky! one of each, you're all done now!" and it bugged me. It seems so presumptive. These people don't even know me.

I'd like to have one more. I don't feel like our family is complete yet. My husband thinks he is done. When I talk about having one more he talks about how much it will cost to have one more. Another big concern of his is the possibility of us having twins again, that terrifies him. I must be crazy because while the idea seems overwhelming it doesn't stop me from wanting to try for one (or two!) more.

Miss Grace said...

I'm from a family of five. We're super spaced out though: 29, 26, 24, 17, 12 (yes we all have the same parents) so I think the college expense thing was a little easier because there were years and years of gap where my parents didn't have worry about it.
Us oldest three have all gone to four year schools, and graduate school beyond. We worked, my parents did what they could, and we had to go to state schools (which are still good!) but it was okay.

There are student loans, etc.

I'm a big fan of big families.

Miss Grace said...

I want four or five.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

heh, I like the perfect imaginary world scenarios.

I'd have 6. But then again I don't own the vagina.

One would do.

denese said...

i want two, one of each. the one of each thing is a necessity due to my being a libra obsessed with balance. i don't want three because that means minivan (no effing thanks) and there's a middle kid (i was the middle kid and HATED it).

we have a baby girl. my husband is convinced we will only have girls no matter how many times we try. this is a problem.

as for affording college...i shudder to think. my kids may very well inherit my student loan debt so i'm dedicated to finding another way or maybe another career...maybe all my kids will be genius pianists or something!

Headless Mom said...

I have from marriage and born in my heart, and 2 from my belly. Often I feel my ovaries hurting from the cuteness of someone's baby (sometimes even yours!). HOWEVER! Being that I'm now 40, I really am glad that HD got snipped. I don't think that I could take one graduating HS when I'm 60. Yikes!

Meg said...

That question is so hard to answer. We've always said two, but it's now looking like we'll only have the one unless we find one to adopt.

If we're juding on sanity, then I couldn't even afford the first child!

a li'l bit squishy said...

The first was life changing, the second overwhelming and the third tipped me over the precarious edge I was balanced on. The fourth one came along three years later and I felt like her surprise arrival was a gift. Who knows how many is the right answer for you? You'll figure it out when you get there. My husband and I had to work through Uni. It made us better people.

for a different kind of girl said...

Within hours after delivering my youngest son, I was sitting in my hospital bed, watching laboring women huffing and puffing down the hallway outside my door, and I was envious of them. I love everything about being pregnant and delivering babies, and, were it possible, I'd be willing to Duggar it, too. I'd just ask that there be no no spiral perms or denim skirts involved. Short of that, I'd even consider going the Brady Bunch route - minus the divorce but with the housekeeper - and have six.

bohem_chick007 said...

My boyfriend wants 6 kids, right in a row. I'm trying to tell him that that'll be nearly impossible financially...gah. Not that I don't want that many kids. Just that I think we should at least have a few of those be adopted instead.

bohem_chick007 said...

oh and Miss Grace, I've got you beat-I'm from a family of 8 and I'm the 7th-my older sister (the oldest sibling) is 42 the last time I checked, lol. (i'm 19) God bless my mom. I want a big family too.

Amy, that's hilarious.

I told my friends I'd take their kids off their hands if had them and found out they didn't want them anymore, lol.

trademarkmama said...

I have a great idea - let's ask FAKDOG to have the rest of our kids!

Aunt Becky said...

I think more than anything else, the funniest part of when people ask Daver and I if we're having more is Dave's reaction. He turns pale and starts punching himself in the nuts.

Jess said...

As one of five children, I don't know that I'd encourage or discourage anyone to have five of their own. What I do know is that, with a little help, we all (so far) have put ourselves through college. What you may need to ask yourself instead is how many times can you handle your kids "accidentally" locking each other out of the house and then "accidentally" calling the cops on the offending siblings all while you're on a 10-minute walk. This could be a common occurrence in your house.

Oh, and with 5, get used to the idea of a 12-seater van or a station wagon. Sexy.

Karen said...

My cousin has 5, and she is only 6 months older than me. I want more. I love big families (not 19 big though) hopefully I will be in the place to have more someday.

Sarah @ said...

We both come from big families, so we've always talked in terms of four or five. I think we'll see where we are after the first one is born, though lol. And we have no idea where we'll be with college, so we'll have to figure that one out on the fly.

One time my husband did say he wanted eight. I told him he was going to have to save those last few for the second wife.

badassdad05 said...

Commenting on Blogger is kind of annoying, isn't it? Why take me to a totally different page. Can you see what you can do about that Backpacking Dad? And when you figure it out let me know so I can fix mine, too. :)

As for how many kids to have, I don't want to be outnumbered. There are two of us and two of them, and that's enough.

Natalie said...

i wanted 4 and had 4. man i'm good.

i also wouldn't change it for anything. i figure i won't ever regret having 4, but i might at times wish i had more. currently though...i'm good.

Mocha Dad said...

Next time say none and let me know what happens afterward.

Helen + ilana = Hi said...

I apologize profusely if memes are not your thing. But I'd love to see your conversation of this meme! You'll find the 'rules' in my post at

Hope you join in.

Word Verification

encysi A new drama about hall monitors in grade schools.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I can't afford the two I have, but I know I also can't handle any more than two.

I have huge amounts of respect for people who can manage large families but it isn't for me.

Helen + ilana = Hi said...

Aren't you still baking #2? Isn't it a bit soon to be discussing three more!

Word Verification
ingushem Encouraging the effusive display of affection in others

Jenni said...

I'm doing a post about this next week, but I want four. My husband wanted two. We compromised that we'd shoot for three, but I recently convinced him on four. So we're a go on four. That is if the first two don't kill us first.

Jenni said...

okay, so really I want five. for some reason i feel compelled to admit this. I've always envisioned I'd have four boys and then my fifth would be a girl. I want five, but four will do me fine.

Kei said...

I have 6. I don't recall ever wondering how I would afford to send them to college; I just trusted that somehow, someday, it would all work out. #1 dropped out of high school before his junior year began, got his GED immediately and started taking classes at the local community college. Somehow the money worked out, until he dropped out there and went to work. Currently he is an electrician's assistant, chief estimator for an electrical & alt energy company, as well as doing whatever else they require.
Child #2 got student loans and scholarships to go to college in a 5 yr honors undergrad program. She got a Presidential Scholarship after the first year. After graduating there, she went on to Stanford Med, where she is finishing yr #2. She'll be doing MD/PhD, so she'll be there awhile. Somehow the money thing worked out.
Child #3 opted for the local community college & graduated from there last June. Somehow the money thing worked out.
Child #4 also opted for the local comm. college and is finishing up his first year there. Somehow the money thing is working out.
Children #s 5 & 6 are still in elementary school, but I have faith that when it's time for college, (c'mon, say it with me...) "somehow the money thing will work out"

Somewhere along the way, yes, I lost my sanity, and though I don't know if I ever really found it (I'm sure many will say that's a lost cause), I found so many other things that are worth more than my sanity.

Because somehow, no matter how many kids you end up having, everything does work out.

La Petite Belle said...

I wanted 8 before I had kids. My husband was very adamant that we stop at 2- so we did. (for now)