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Sunday, May 3, 2009

Against Beauty Pageants

I was reading this thing on the Huffington Post about how the Miss California pageant organization helped or encouraged or arranged or paid for Miss California to get breast implants before the Miss U.S.A. pageant. But the weird thing for me was that while the official being interviewed about the breast implants was defending the help to Miss California (“Oh, we are concerned with her overall self-esteem….”) he also listed off other things contestants do to get an edge, especially during the swimsuit competition.

The interviewer asked, pointedly, “Wouldn’t she have a better chance of winning if she were more proportioned?” That is, wouldn’t she have a better shot if she didn’t have implants?

To which the official replied: “Well of course she does. But there’s plenty of ways of getting to more proportion without doing breast implants.”

I want to leave aside how confusing this answer is for a second because the very next thing the official said really threw me for a loop.

“Many of the girls use chicken cutlets.”

I don’t understand why this is even an option in a beauty pageant. Why doesn’t anyone say anything? Are they really that much of a joke that women can stuff poultry down their tops and saunter onto the stage with a Hey, look at my perfectly proportioned totally-not-enhanced-by-poultry torso?

I mentioned this statement by the pageant official to Emily, and her reply was nowhere near as outraged as I was. In fact, she seemed to think it was funny that I cared at all that the pageant enforce some kind of standard.

“Where do you draw the line?” she asked. “Do you tell contestants they can’t dye their hair?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess…”

But, really? It sure seems like this is a clear case in which we should just say no. No to the chicken cutlets. No meat products allowed during a beauty pageant. No murdering helpless animals and stuffing them down bikini tops.

Just no. It makes beauty pageants even more of a joke than they are.

*********************************************************************************

I pressed Emily again on this whole abuse of poultry thing. “But look, even though we can’t draw a line I think we should just keep the poultry out of the pageant.”

“It’s not chicken. Dumbass.”

Guys, apparently “chicken cutlet” is a euphemism for a gel-insert or something.

The more you know. *rainbow*

29 comments:

sam {temptingmama} said...

Mmmm raw poultry shoved down your VERY expensive evening dress... that's just begging for a salmonella outbreak.

And, I was sooo thinking Emily's response as I was reading. LOL Dumbass. Bwahaha

Nibblet's Mom said...

You're not the only dumbass out there. I was thinking how ridiculous that was, and at the same time grossed out by the thought of chicken cutlets stuffed, not with garlic, but inside a bra.

Karen MEG said...

Gotta love it.

Dumbass is such a term of endearment.

My husband loves it when I call him 'idiot' :).

Jill said...

My favorite part of this whole Miss California/breast implant story is the fact that Shana Moakler, who is famous for being married Travis Barker, being on a reality show about said marriage and subsequently getting into a bitch fight with Paris Hilton after said marriage broke up, is often quoted as some sort of pageant official. Because if there's anyone out there more qualified to help guide these young women down the path toward scholarships and general do-goddyness it's her.

Stephanie N. said...

I was totally getting ready to correct you about the cutlets. Too bad Emily beat me to it. They do look like chicken cutlets, though.

Real chicken has been used for far creepier cosmetic purposes, though. For example, for centuries, women (and even some men) wore chicken skin gloves at night so that when they woke up in the morning, their hands would be soft, plump, and lily-white (cutting off the oxygen will do that). Gross. They were also sometimes made from other skins. I won't go into any more detail than that.

Single Parent Dad said...

I don't think they should ban the pageants all together.

They just ALL need to be like the one in Little Miss Sunshine.

Jennifer McKenzie said...

Oh goody! At least the STATE of California didn't pay for the implants.
I can just hear Arnold now. "Yeah, give Miss Caleeefornia new boobs. Big boobs are good. Like in Conan."
Maybe we were just broke.

Elisa said...

OMG, this made me lough out loud and I almost woke up Stella, who is taking a nap.
I don't laugh because you didn't know, but rather because it is such a stupid name to give things, that I cannot help but cringe when I hear it, when laugh at the confusion it inevitably causes :-)

Adelas said...

Never having had a need to use said inserts, I was right there with you... Imagining the drippy floppiness of a real boneless skinless chicken breast slapped up against the skin. Although, I bet real chicken would look just as realistic. So I totally bought it there for a minute.

These are the same women who put vaseline on their TEETH so they look shiny and their lips don't stick. Nasty much? If they'd do that, why not real chicken cutlets?

Daddy Geek Boy said...

It would be one thing if they were breaded chicken cutlets. With a good red sauce and lots of cheese. Ymmmmm.

Wait, what were we talking about again?

Oh yeah...Seriously are we still supposed to be caring about beauty pageants? If this story, and the Perez Hilton one, hadn't come out I would have had no idea it was happening.

for a different kind of girl said...

My chicken cutlets have enjoyed a wee bit too many carbs of late. That's why you'll never see me in any sort of beauty pageant. Additionally, I can not walk in heels. It's a curse, really.

Rubberbacon said...

Every year I think this pageant has run it's course and will go away but somehow it keeps making major headlines like this year with outrageous comments made by the winner then follow up from Showbiz tonight asking "is the new Miss USA the next Sarah Palin?"

I only watch Showbiz because there is a guy in the office who insists on having it on. It is ridiculous.

Natalie said...

i had no idea! of course now that emily mentioned it it makes perfect sense, but why not call them gel inserts? seriously!

ms. changes pants while driving said...

real chicken cutlets would probably be cheaper.

and i really don't see what was wrong with miss california saying she was opposed to gay marriage. i'm all for gay marriage, but why all the hate for someone saying she's against it? is it because she's from california? she actually HAD a point of view.

back to the boobies.

Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com said...

I'm a dumbass too. I was totally like "chicken cutlets?! EW!"

Kris said...

Crap! You mean I shouldn't have been stuffing Maple Leaf Prime Chicken Breasts into my bra before going out??? No wonder I had all those cats chasing me down the strip last night!!

T. said...

I learned something new. I had no idea. I also don't watch pageants. Unless they were brain pageants. Probably not.

But, I can totally walk in heels. Still not doing Mrs. California any time soon.

T.

Christine Gram said...

I guess I fall in the column of dumbasses... I was so grossed out thinking that teenage girls were stuffing raw chicken breasts into their swimsuits. YUCK.

Regardless, still against beauty pageants.

La Petite Belle said...

for a minute there I totally thought they were REAL chicken cutlets!

Erin said...

lol. I think it has everything to do with the terminology. Could they not have thought of a better description? Like, Gel Enhancers? Calling them chicken cutlets is like calling red hair dye "cow's blood" because it happens to look like it.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

What the hell?! Never heard of a chicken cutlet, unless it was in reference to a cooking lesson...And I was going to say that inserting poultry is probably not such a healthy thing anyway, with all those raw chicken germs and everything...

Otter Thomas said...

I'd be a dumbass too. You drew me in to that disgusting thought of chicken meat. They should call them something else.

Miss Grace said...

It turns out they didn't properly coach her on the concept of Opposite Marriage, so I guess the implants, in the end, didn't matter.

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

Reeee-diculous!

Because that toddler tiara show and making babies look like hookers doesn't already make me want to kick some serious ass in the pageant biz, this just takes the damn cake.

Mommy Melee said...

I was with you the whole time on the chicken thing. Would have fooled me LOL.

Swirl Girl said...

So I guess it would appropriate to remove the 'oven stuffer roaster' from my man's shorts, huh?

just think of all the good euphemisms going to waste on this concept.

it's just not a good day without at least one euphemism and a rationalization or two...

Rita Arens said...

I own a pair of chicken cutlets. I got them to fill out my wedding dress, and every once in a while I stuff them in a Wonderbra to enjoy seeing how the other half lives.

The great thing about them is if you sweat on them, you can throw them at a wall and they stick.

You've been initiated.

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

This is my favorite post you have ever written. That I have read. Cause you and I know that I have not read them ALL.

Mandy said...

Yeah. Beauty pageants. We've come so far after four thousand years of civilization.