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Tuesday, August 12, 2008

A Dads-only Dinner Party

Auds at Barking Mad sent me an e-mail saying "Come do this dinner party thing." Or something along those lines. She was very persuasive. What really sold me was when she wrote

"Most of you I've emailed are among women who are highly coveted wannabee invitees."

Ah. Well, it's true. I am easily confused with a woman, I suppose. I have made no apologies for calling myself a "mommy-blogger". I hang out with more women than men. I have watched "Ellen". Also, I'm very pretty: so say all of my male friends who really just need to come out of the closet already.

Speaking of coming out, although I jokingly refer to my feelings for Ryan Reynolds and Freddie Prinze Jr. as "man crushes" they might be something more. Hey, Ryan, call me dude. We can go hang out at Freddie's house and play pool. Nothing naked, man. Just some guys, bonding. In a totally manly way.

Uh...where was I?

Oh, right. So, Auds, even though she made the entirely forgivable mistake of overlooking my completely masculine facial hair, has asked me to participate in her Dinner Party: A challenge to list ten bloggers who I'd like to have dinner with.

Well, I'm feeling in need of a little male companionship after Auds' e-mail, so I think I'm going to make this a Dads-only Dinner Party. Nothing naked, guys. Just some men, bonding. In a totally manly way. We'd grill up some steaks, or maybe some goat cheese and cranberry stuffed chicken breasts, crack open some beers, and watch a hockey game at the man spa.

So, who to invite?

Well, there's Laid Off Dad. We met in the manliest of all places, the handbag section of a Macy's. He is a supremely cool guy and he just moved into a new place, so maybe he'd agree to let me throw this party at his place instead of in my tiny apartment filled with baby toys and cat vomit.

And my skeptical friend Tick Tock, who looks at all the crazy in the world and just says "Here are all the reasons you are crazy." And then he sits back and waits for the crapstorm from his wife over what he just said about Chinese medicine.

Will, from Gaming With Baby gets an invite because my cooking has not been nearly up to snuff lately and I know he'd take one look at my sorry-ass menu and just roll up his sleeves and whip up something much better. Plus, I really want to bust out my old Nintendo and see if there is anyone out there who can wail at Punch-Out like I can.

Kevin, a dad in New England who is funny as hell and isn't afraid to let the world know how much his kids hate brown people. Most brown people. Not all of them. His kids are rational like that. He'd come over and I'd help him draw Venn diagrams to give to his kids so that they could be very clear about which brown people they hate. Because if there's one thing I hate about racist kids, it's racist kids who make broad generalizations.

Jeremy Adam Smith needs to come over because there needs to be a grown-up in the group. This guy is smart, responsible, inspiring, and a hard-working feminist and dadvocate. Usually that combination of voices is absent from conversations, and I respect the hell out of what he does and the passion with which he does it. Plus, he also rocks some mad facial hair, so we could totally have a pose-off.

Chag, my cynical friend, is the best Twitter VJ I've ever seen. If there is going to be any life at this party, it will come from him. His taste in music is impeccable, even if his taste in sports is incomprehensible. Seriously, dude: Let's watch some hockey.

Graham, one of my Bay Area brothers-in-diapers, is just about as lax in care with his daughter as I am with mine. Apart from being a fantastic writer and great role model (except for the whole flipping his daughter upside down on the swings, thing) he also looks like Hugh Grant. I don't have man-crush on Hugh Grant, but it would be nice to have someone at the party who we can throw to the ladies peeking in the windows wondering what we're doing in there behind our "No Girls Allowed" sign.

Mike, another of my Bay Area brothers-in-diapers, needs to come and just put on a writing workshop. He always writes pure gold, and all of us would be better people if we could express ourselves as he does. There would be no confusion in the world, and we would all want to have daughters and show them how great raising a child in the city can be.

SciFi Dad can bring some much needed geekiness to the party. Not that I don't carry enough of that around on my own, but while Will is busy crying that I pwned him at Punch Out I'll need someone to argue with over eternal, burning questions like "Kirk vs. Jean-Luc", "Zombies vs. Vampires", and "V vs. Battlestar Galactica (the original series)". I'll say "Jean-Luc", "Zombies" and "BSG". Also, he's a huge Red Wings fan, and even though he kept jinxing them throughout the playoffs they were strong enough to overcome his very powerful jinx and win the Cup anyway, so I don't hold any grudges.

And finally, there is the always cool, always smart, always witty, Whit. I will freely admit that I spend too much energy worrying about what the hell happens in Hollywood, but I have nothing on this guy. Plus, he has time for things like, oh, parenting, and writing a screenplay, and striking poses in tuxedos.

So, there you have my Dinner Party guest list. Of course there are people who aren't on the list who should be. I thought about cheating and adding a couple of more, but, well, then I thought "How about no? How about not adding your entire freaking blogroll to the list?"

Ten it is.

Go, read some dad blogs. I'll be here eating some red meat and pissing on things. Today, for one day only, I am not a mommy-blogger. Your regularly scheduled programming will resume tomorrow.

(Editor's Note: I said originally that Kevin lives in So-Cal. That is completely wrong. It would be tough to find a place further away from So-Cal that is also still within the contiguous States that he could live. Not impossible, but tough.)


Loralee Choate said...

That dinner party would be a totally fun thing to crash and flash my magical boobies.

I'm just sayin'...

lildb said...

party crashing.

i remember that sort of thing.


but i don't think i have it in me to crash your party, BPD. i'll be too busy sitting on my ass drinking cheap beer and twittering about crashing your party to actually make any movement to do so.

tho it sounds like the crashiest.

Auds said...

I was just waiting for someone to mention the "word" crash. *LMAO*

Actually, I'm glad you did a "Dads Only" type deal. I have so few male reads right now that it's nice to mix things up a bit and remember the mom's haven't entirely cornered the market on parenting blogs...

Off to read more blogs. I'm not sure which is going to explode head or my blog reader.

Middle Aged woman said...

What about if I act real butch? Then could I come, too?

Headless Mom said...

Still working on my list...Loved yours! Some new testosterone to visit.

Anissa Mayhew said...

Oh that's just a party yearning for some gals to drive by and make crank calls to!

I gotta argue on V vs BSG...although season 1 of the new BSG was possibly the best thing ever put out on tv.

And to add one more argument, try this one: Who'd win - Cavement or Astronauts?

Anonymous said...

A daddy's only dinner sounds like a great idea.

Though may I say you seem to have an addiction problem...a 'charming' addiction where you ensure women who read your blog are so charmed by you that they can't look away...if you work on that then maybe you'll grow your daddy/male readership,which would help with your guest list for future daddy/male events...

Nancy said...

Awesome dinner party guest list ... just add a poker table and lots of hot wings.

Aunt Becky said...

Can I pretend to be a dude? I'll wear a fake weenis, man.

Always Home and Uncool said...

I'd love to come, even if I am on the East Coast and not So-Cal based. Do I give off a laid-back vibe? Whoa. (Note to self: Throw more Yiddish expressions and tighty-whiteyness into future blog posts.) And yeah, Thing 2 may not get Son of the Year from the NAACP this year after all.

Dto3 said...

My feelings are hurt that I wasn't invited. Although, if you are busy pissing on things in your kitchen, perhaps I should be relieved (pun fully intended!) -

SciFi Dad said...

Tons of naked man talk from Tight Pants Dad.

Do I need to say anymore?

(For the record, Kirk, Zombies, V.)

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! YOU? pissing on things? oh, i doubt it!
so glad you gave me some male readership. i need more shit to fill up my google reader. gee, thanks!

Swirl Girl said...

I have been told I drink like a man, curse like a man, and sometimes pee standing up (well a glorified squat). Does that qualify?

I do read daddy blogs because I go for funny guy over earth mother any day.

Redneck Mommy said...

Dude, can you write your name in the snow? Cuz my son wrote my name last winter and apparently that is a highly coveted boy skill.

I'm crashing your party. I'm gonna wear my assless chaps and make goo goo eyes with Sci-Fi dad and Will.

While you are busy peeing on things and pretending to be manly, I'll entertain your guests. Just make sure there are chicken wings and beer on hand.

Chag said...

I don't know what you're talking about. I spent many a preteen night playing air hockey in my friend's basement.

for a different kind of girl said...

Huh. Interesting. All the times I spend thinking about Ryan Reynolds, I'm thinking he should be naked. Very naked. And there would be zombies.

Oh, yes. There would be zombies. Not naked ones, though. They're the creepiest of the zombie class.

My voice can go quite deep if pushed. I bet I could knock at least 2 hours off at this party before I was found out.

Kate said...

That would be an interesting crowd. I'd just like to be a fly on the wall that night.

Whit said...

Can we do this soon? I'm hungry and need many beers.

Robin said...

Please make sure there is some male dancing involved to whatever kind of testosterone driven music you males react to.

I'll be the one at the window licking the glass and making obscene gestures with my hands.

TLC said...

Sounds like a fun party. I will pass on the farts and belches, though. Steaks, however, are good.

By the way, since I am all about sharing the wealth, (does that make me into socialist media?) I have an award for you. I feel teh awesome, so you get an award. Come get it. Yeah, on my blog.

I get that awards are kinda lame, but someone gave it to me, and it's like a hot potato: you don't want to get stuck holding it.

Send Chocolate

Ali said...

what? i can't believe you'd have a manparty without inviting Danny Dad Gone Mad. or Mike Newborn Identity. or Neil Citizen of the Month.

sheesh...this is why i can never make a dinner party list. too many people to invite!!

Leanne said...

If I 'man up' and arrive at the door scratching something, can I come:)

Will said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Will said...

Ok, two things, well, maybe four.

1. The only way you're taking me in Punch Out is by turning off the pause while I go tend to the Charlie Foxtrot that is your dinner menu.

2. The chicken need pecans.

3. You so pretty I could so totally forget about Brad Pitt and Matt Damon. Does that make me gay?

4. Kirk, Vampires, Battlestar (but only because of Dirk Benedict and Lorne Greene and only if we agree that "Galactica 1980" never happened.)

Tami said...

I found your blog through Mamalogues and I have to say...I LOVE IT!!! It's fun reading a male "mommyblogger". I dig it.

I have lots of new Daddyblogs to check out now. Thank you.

sweetney said...

i call sexism! i can do that, right? snort.

after the dinner party's over can i come hang out with the doods? doods seem to be my natural crowd, and hanging with them my natural element. think it over, won't you?

slackermommy said...

I love blogging dads. Thanks for posting new links for me to check out.

Jeremy Adam Smith said...

I find it amusing to be called "responsible, inspiring, and a hard-working feminist and dadvocate," since I just spent an hour browsing in a comic-book shop. You know, Backpacking Dad, quite a few of the bloggers you'd invite actually live in the Bay Area. You could host a real dinner party. I'd come, especially with that menu.

caramama said...

Love your list! And there are a couple guys on there that I don't know or read, so thanks!

My geeky answers: Jean-Luc, Vampires, BSG. Definitely.

Bonus points for referring to BSG's original series!

cry it out! said...

I'm with Jeremy -- get on that, yo. I'll flash my boobs too.

Backpacking Dad said...

loralee: Well, I'm not going to tell you not to do it.

lildb: I actually kind of want to read those tweets :}

auds: see, guys can't get together on their own in a secret location with alcohol and food and not have the ladies showing up to see what the hell is going on.

middle aged woman: butchness isn't a factor; hi, I just confessed two very non-butch man crushes :}

headless mom: I can't wait to read yours. Who gets the invite to the headless dinner party? people with no tonsils? no toes? Is it LYOB (Leave your own buttocks)?

anissa mayhew: I'm going to go with Astronauts. But only because I clearly am not geeky enough to know what you are talking about.

loudange: well, I'm not dumb. I know who I want my readers to be :}

nancy: excellent. I will own their houses by the time we're done.

aunt becky: sorry, aunt becky. No one would buy it.

always home and uncool: what? I don't know what you're talking about. I cleary let it be known that you were an uptight Jew from New England. :}

dto3: lol. Perhaps I need to rethink this thing....

scifi dad: I knew you were going to pick Kirk.

danielle-lee: what? what? I've pissed on things. I used to live in the country. I've pissed on trees, squirrels, orphans....

swirl girl: and I go for funny women over funny guys any day.

redneck mommy: I think I'm going to just leave the conjunction of "assless chaps" and "entertain your guests" alone.

chag: whatever. Nascar dork.

FADKOG: there's a movie out that has Jenna Jameson as a stripper zombie, and it's not porn, from what I've heard. It might be the best movie ever made.

kate: and there would be a lot of flies with that many guys in one place. Get it? Because "fly" can mean "zipper"? Yeah, it was lame.

whit: very soon. Because I think I need to save you from all of the hangover manscaping that you've been doing.

robin: we'll take off our shirts and mosh, but only in front of the window.

tlc: Well thank you. :}

ali: well, Danny probably gets invited to all the cool parties that I don't even hear about over at Guy Kawasaki's house, I'd invite Mike except that then I'd have to explain why I didn't invite Heather too and I don't need that kind of drama, and I didn't invite Neil because, well, he's not a dad. Although he is the king of the mommy-bloggers.

leanne: well, you can come to the door.

will: Galactica 1980? Well, at least the last two episodes happened; I actually liked the "Enemy Mine" storyline that had Dirk come back for a couple of hours before the series died. And yes, it does make you a little gay.

tami: a proud mommy-blogger :}

sweetney: after the party's over I'm putting on Dr. Horrible with Flight of the Conchords superimposed and just going "lawl-lawl lawl drool"

slackermommy: well, you are welcome.

jeremy adam smith: Well, now I actually have to plan something, don't I? Dammit.

caramam: my wife is irrationally afraid of vampires.

cry it out: sweet. I thought mine were going to be the only man-boobs at the party.

Don Mills Diva said...

I'm sooo gonna show up drunk and make every one of you admit I'm the prettiest girl in the room.