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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

No shoes, no shirt, no pants. Mostly naked in the living room.

To my loving wife:

Your daughter and I went to the gym after breakfast today. As I put her down on the playroom floor next to her favourite day care lady she looked up at me and burst into tears.

"Hey, hey hey, dad. WhereareyougoingwhyareyouleavingmehereonthefloorILOVEYOU!"

I picked her up and she calmed down; I set her down again and she was still calm. She began to happily play with the little bowls and the xylophone. When I stood up and walked over to the gated door to leave, though, she zoomed over like a little ladybug (are ladybugs fast?) wailing disconsolately.

Someone did not want to work out today. No matter how many times I promised that Steve Young would spiral her across the room to me.

I picked her up and quickly exited ("Bye bye guys.") and drove home to put her down for a nap. Such inexplicable sadness at being left at one of her favourite places convinced me she was merely tired.

She napped. I ate the Indian food leftovers from last night.

And I sweated. It is freaking hot here today.

By the time your daughter awoke from her nap I was shirtless, shoeless, and sockless.

And, feeling mildly guilty that I didn't get any kind of workout in today while also stuffing myself full of naan and rice, I prepared myself to do some crunches while your daughter ate her lunch in her throne overlooking her living room dominion.

Preparing to do crunches involved me taking my pants off, because you can kiss my ass if you think I'm going to do any working out in the 90 degree living room wearing jeans.

So, dear, at 2pm this afternoon I was all sweaty on the living room floor wearing nothing but my skivvies.

Miss you ;}


Your loving, near-naked, sweaty husband.


for a different kind of girl said...

Cut to the workout room at your gym. There was Steve Young, looking all nonchalant and Steve Youngish. Grunting his way through a ton of dead lifts.

But the entire time?

He was scanning the room, looking for you, thinking "Where's that awesome dude who's always looking at me? I miss him."

Then he wiped away the sweat from his face.

But it wasn't all sweat. No. Some of it was tears.

Don't be surprised if he hugs you tomorrow.

Also don't be surprised if the rally cry goes up ("that's what he said") demanding an Backpacking Dad workout DVD.

Aunt Becky said...


I need to use this excuse on my husband.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

That almost sounds like a valid excuse for mid-afternoon nudity. Almost.

Patti Mayo said...

I'd be too afraid that someone might peep into my windows and see my chubby ass...i'll be mostly naked in my bedroom watching tv instead.

Backpacking Dad said...

FADKOG: You'll get the second copy of that DVD.

aunt becky: twist his rubber arm.

burgh baby's mom: how 'bout I throw in a "stuffed so full of Indian food that my pants were uncomfortably tight"?

patti_mayo: the bedroom is where Erin gets to nap, so I'm exiled to the living room.

Loralee Choate said...

I love how whenever the kid is a problem most parents say "YOUR daughter".

It seems like a universal parent thing. Hee.

My_Dog_Is_Better said...

Aww Erin loves you. That's nice.

Heather said...

You need to get workout dvds like me, that way when you miss the gym, you can dance your way to fitness. =P

Stacie said...

See...there's that old double standard again...guys can get away with this. If I were hot, naked, sweaty and near naked on my living room floor and my husband walked in, he would think I had spent the last hour "entertaining myself" and then he would immediately see it as an opportunity for HIM to entertain me. Men? they get hot they start taking of clothes and no one thinks a thing of it. Sooooo not fair.
And for the record...I have more to do with my time than lie around and "entertain myself"
That's all I'm really sayin' Maybe, I'm just hot and want my clothes off..

Mandy said...

Um, I'd leave a comment, but then you'd think I really WAS stalking you! ;)

DeeDee said...

You know what I like about you...I never know what to expect when I come here. Excuse me while I try to picture something else other than you in your skivvies with take out cartons strewn all around you!! ;P

MereCat said...

Parenthood is partly clothed and mostly sweaty by nature, isn't it?

mamatulip said...

Parenting is sweaty work.

Becs said...

Hmm I wonder if I can convince my boyfriend to get sweaty and workout half naked in our living room.....

alntv said...

Yeah...I could have done without the last half of this story...


Momo Fali said...

Aw. That warmed my heart, and probably warmed her loins.

Anonymous said...

My, what a post to leave your wife. How is she supposed to leave the house now?

Backpacking Dad said...

loralee: yep. she's only my daughter when she's cute and wants to share.

my_dog_is_better: she'll outgrow it.

heather: you didn't pay attention. I'm making a workout DVD :} Because FADKOG suggested it.

stacie: well, if someone had walked in on me I'm sure they would have had some off-colour ideas.

mandy: you clearly are. You saw "naked" in the post title and just had to click over.

deedee: I think you're the only one who paid attention to the fact that I had just eaten a bunch of leftovers. Nice work :} Now, imagine what the living room smelled like. No, wait. Don't.

merecat: apparently.

mamatulip: um. yes. apparently :}

becs: bribery works.

alntv: At least I didn't post pictures :}

momo fali: she didn't read it in time :{

bsouth: it's 99 degrees in here now. That's how.

Whit said...

You're so romantic!

Heather said...

That's gonna be a helluva workout dvd. You sending us all copies?

Badass Geek said...

Somehow, I just feel wrong by commenting on this post.

chris said...

Man, I wonder if this will work with my wife...ultimate blog seduction...LOL

Seriously dude, I know how it is when you miss your wife.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely awesome. I could not stop giggling at your story.

Lucky wife ... at least you were working out ... my husband just takes his pants off to play WoW.